Author Archives: admin

Build Your Self Esteem – Discover Your Strengths

By | |
Leave a comment

Each person has character strengths that are at the core of who they are.
You can tell when you are in your strengths when you find yourself “in the flow,”
enthusiastic, and become deeply absorbed in what you are doing. Character strengths
are deeply held, and are at the core of your being. They are so central to your
identity that suppressing or ignoring any of these strengths seems unnatural and
very difficult.

When you do not honor your strengths, you feel diminished. It takes energy from you.
For example if you have strengths of integrity and authenticity, not speaking your
truth makes you feel less than who you really are. When you honor your strengths,
you are more productive, and excited about new challenges.

One way to discover your strengths is to take the VIA Signature Strength Survey
at (no cost) www.authentichappiness.org. It will give you a description of your
top five character strengths. Then take a moment to reflect on how they have shown
up in your life. You will discover that they have helped you to rise to the occasion
to meet your challenges. Once you how they have helped you in the past, use them they more
frequently. You will discover you are a lot more happier and confident.

Alcohol: Use or Abuse?

By | |
Leave a comment

Alcoholism.
It’s not just drinking daily– if it’s no more than 1 daily drink a week for a woman and two for a man, it’s generally not considered problematic—but also HOW MUCH at one time. So, even if you only drink once a month, IF you drink in excess of more than 4 drinks for a man or 3 for a woman in one day, you can be considered alcohol-dependent, have alcohol related problems, or be at risk. Medical, behavioral, and family history will all be taken into consideration. Further testing, such as the SASSI (Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory) may be done by your counselor.
Fill out this form below for further evaluation. Take that first step toward your best YOU!
On average, how many days a week do you drink alcohol? ____________
On a typical day when you drink, how many do you have? ____________
On any given day, what is the maximum number of drinks you had in the past month? _________
Have you ever felt you should CUT DOWN on your drinking? Yes No ____
Have people ANNOYED you by criticizing your drinking? Yes No _______
Have you ever felt bad or GUIILTY about your drinking? Yes No _______
Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?
Yes No _______
If YES to any of these: has this occurred in the past YEAR? Yes No ______

Do I Need Counseling?

By | | ,
Leave a comment

Every day millions of people search online for help with their problems, wondering if it’s finally time to reach out for direction and support to handle sadness, depression, anxiety, stress, fights with their partner or spouse, and family issues, among others. Here are some of the questions and mistaken beliefs we encounter as therapists every day.

Can’t I just talk to my friends about my problems?

Talking to a friend about mental health or personal issues may bring you temporary relief, but will make the problem more deep seated in the long run because you become more identified with the issue the longer you complain without intervention. Remember, you get what you pay for, and zero-cost advice is pretty much worth zero!
Nobody can change my situation, so why pay to see a professional about it?
There is a saying that “your world changes when YOU change.” A professional, licensed therapist is trained in ways to help you respond to your world differently. We have at least two college degrees and extensive supervised training thereafter. There are thinking patterns, usually formed in childhood, of which you are completely unaware. I can show you how you are holding yourself back and perhaps help you find insight and freedom. It’s often a cage of your own making!

I’ve felt this way so long…

If you had a persistent fever, would you just say “oh well” and live with it? Or would you go to a health care specialist who could evaluate, diagnose, and treat it? The average person doesn’t realize how common mood and relationship problems are to the human condition, and that they can be (and are) identified and studied. Whole systems of therapy are developed for common issues, much as drugs are developed for physical ailments.

What will people think?

The people intelligent and mature enough to seek therapy realize that it doesn’t matter what people think! It matters how you live every day of your limited, precious life, and whether you can enjoy that to a higher degree and love more fully. Besides, you would be surprised how many of those “imaginary people” you think are judging you are actually patients themselves.
Is it time for YOU to feel better? It’s time!

Is It Love or a Red Flag? Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

By | |
Leave a comment

1. Push for quick involvement: comes on very strong, pressures for an exclusive commitment almost immediately
2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive: calls constantly, visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone:” checks your mileage
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely, especially if you’re late, about whom you talked to and where you were. Keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses your supporters of “causing trouble;” deprives you of a phone or car.
6. Blames others: for his problems and mistakes: The boss, you—it’s always someone else’s’ fault.
7. Makes everyone else responsible for his feelings: says, you make me angry” instead of “I AM angry,” or, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.
8. Hypersensitivity: Easily insulted, claiming his feelings are hurt when he is really mad; rants about things that are just part of life.
9. Cruel to animals or children: kills or punishes animals brutally; expects children to do things that are beyond their ability, i.e. whips a two year old for wetting a diaper; teases children until they cry. SIXTY FIVE PERCENT OF ABUSERS WHO HIT THEIR PARTNER WILL ALSO HIT CHILDREN.
10. “Playful” use of force during sex: enjoys throwing you down, holding you down against your will; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: constant criticism, says cruel or hurtful things; degrades, curses you, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
12. Rigid gender roles: expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings: switches from sweetly loving to explosive in a matter of minutes.
14. Past battering: admits hitting women in the past, but says they made him do it or the situation was to blame.
15. Threats of violence: makes statements like “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” then dismisses it with “everybody talks that way, you’re too sensitive” or “I didn’t mean it.” IF IT HAS COME THIS FAR, GET HELP OR GET OUT.
From the Project for Victims of Family Violence, Lafayette, ARK

An Attitude of Gratitude: Tips for Tough Times

By | |
Leave a comment

“In the depth of winter, I finally realized that deep within me there lay an invincible summer.” A. Camus

Let’s face it, life throws us curves sometimes. We all experience the ups and downs that lead some of us to seek a counselor’s help: relationship issues, money problems, job struggles, grief and loss. Add any of those stressors to our current economy and it becomes even more challenging to stay positive and thankful! And yet, an optimistic focus is an essential quality for mental health and happiness. What do we do?

The Practice of Optimism

The alarming thing about tough times is that negativity feeds on itself. As we “talk fear” to others, we contribute to THEIR anxiety. They then spread that talk to more people, keeping us all in a state of uneasiness. Negativity is truly contagious, a “mental virus” spread by thoughtless conversation, news stories, and emails. Before you know it, a whole nation is panicking, which helps cause the very hard times we fear.

What we Focus On, Grows…

An ‘attitude of gratitude’ simply means that we make a conscious choice to put our attention on what we like about our lives. One easy exercise is to list the three best things that happened to us today, and then note why they happened. The “why” is usually because we chose to make an effort to improve our lives, whether it’s the good feelings we get from working out, or the pleasure of calling a friend. This helps us see that we are not victims and we are not powerless. There is always one small thing we can do to improve our present circumstance and ease our anxiety. Some ideas:

• Lay the problem down. Take a break from trying to solve the situation. Put aside the divorce papers and take a walk. Leave the resume writing behind and watch a funny movie. Let your mind rest.
• Limit the time spent dwelling on and talking about the problem. Just as not talking about it at all makes it worse by suppressing it into the body, so talking about your problem obsessively can keep you panicked. Your discussions should be brief and you should only confide in a positive, non-advising friend, family member, and your counselor.
• Give yourself healthy treats. A nap, a novel, or signing up for a class can be a little lift to help you get through a hard time.
• Examine the problem on paper. Write down how you feel for a few minutes to release the problem. Things look different on paper than in your head!
• Let yourself grieve. Grief is a natural and necessary process when facing a loss, whether you have lost a job, a person, a lifestyle, or a marriage. Crying is important for release of cortisol, a damaging hormone that builds in the body during stress.
• Avoid negative people. There will always be those who are determined to “spread the virus” of negativity. Some people get a sense of importance from repeating bad news and the media depends on bad news for ratings! Be wise about who gets your attention.

There is always something hopeful to say, something to be grateful for. Fix your attention on what you appreciate, and more good things will come along!

Family Trouble – Dealing with Difficult People

By | |
Leave a comment

“It just never works to be in contact with my mother,” said my client as she started our session, wiping away tears. “I don’t want to cut her out of my life completely, but I can’t keep going back to be sniped at again and again.”
This client and I had already strategized ways to talk to mother assertively, addressing the hurtful comments, to no avail. Her mother flatly refused to admit fault or change her behavior.
Our next step was to set strong boundaries of self- protection in specific ways. Here’s a list of ways to do just that. If you have a difficult person in YOUR family, ask yourself:
• Do I want to limit phone calls? Yes/no
•
• If yes, how many per week/month/year? _________per _________________________
•
• Do I want to limit time of day I answer the phone? Yes/no
•
• If so, what are my limits? __________________________________________________
•
• Do I want to limit the amount of time we talk? Yes/no
•
• If so, what’s the limit? _____________________________________________________
•
• Do I want to limit time we spend face to face? Yes/no
•
• If so, what’s that going to look like? __________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

• Do I want to remove myself when they are inebriated or otherwise inappropriate?
• Yes/no
•
• Do I want to acknowledge birthdays and holidays? Yes/no
•
• If so, how? Card phone call visit with others present visit alone
• Other ways to protect myself: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Let’s discuss your answers in our next session. Together we CAN find ways to protect YOU.

Winter Blues: Seasonal Affective Disorder Q and A

By | |
Leave a comment

What is it?”

Although the specific diagnosis is complicated, these symptoms may indicate signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder: craving for carbohydrates, excessive sleeping, lack of energy, weight gain, and all of the symptoms of depression that go along with it: excessive guilt, irritability and others.

“Who’s at risk?”

People who live at higher latitudes have a higher risk, as do people already diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. Younger people are more at risk than older ones. Regardless of these factors, anyone can suffer with symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. ONLY A LICENSED HEALTH PROFESSIONAL can make this diagnosis!

“What makes it worse?”

Having the short days of winter upon us right after the overspending, overeating, and family time of the holidays can contribute to the exhaustion we feel. Less daytime light to feed our vitamin D needs is also a factor, as is less stimulation of the glands that provide serotonin production. Making New Years’ Resolutions can make you feel ineffective and hopeless if you are depressed; postpone until spring.

“What makes it better?”

Getting outside, even 20 minutes a day, without sunglasses. This exposes you to unfiltered light.
Leaving lights on inside the house, and drapes open to outside light.
Light boxes (available online) specifically designed for Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Therapy to offer support and new ways of viewing your world, and to prevent worsening of depression.

Exercise, exercise, exercise: again, 20 minutes a day helps. Exercise can be a ‘magic bullet’ for depression and anxiety relief! If it’s bad weather, walk at a mall or a gym.

“How can a therapist help me?”

A therapist can hold you accountable for putting these helps into place in your life, as well as help you examine how you think when depressed and challenge that faulty thinking. There’s no need to go at life alone, and untreated depression is indeed dangerous. There IS help!

Know Your Strengths – Build Your Self-Esteem

By | | ,
Leave a comment

What is it that enables you to cultivate your talents, build deep lasting relationships with others, feel pleasure and contribute to the world? We all have character strengths that empower our lives. When you tap into your strengths, it leads to a solid foundation of self-esteem and increases your optimism, enthusiasm, and joy.
Can you challenge yourself TODAY to make that list of what enjoy and when you felt the most enthusiastic and strong? These activities build your self-esteem. Whatever we focus on, increases. When you focus on what’s good about you NOW, you start to become your own “cheerleader” and best friend. Personal growth begins with a decision that you are worthy of the time, money and effort it takes to grow your self-esteem. I would be honored to be your guide.
Tips to Build Self-Esteem:
1. Watch your negative self-talk. Put a mental “STOP” sign up when you catch yourself being self- critical.
2. Write down negative thoughts. It helps to face the habit and change it.
3. Replace them with written, positive thoughts, such as “I am a happy person today.”
4. Surround your environment with positive thoughts (signs, notes etc.)
5. List five things that are good about you and read them often.

Dr. Alice

Healthy Self-Love

By | | ,
Leave a comment

A Relationship Can Be Nice…

But learning to love YOU is the nicest gift of all. How can you expect someone else to treat you better than you treat yourself? What would your life look like if you set a goal of treating yourself in a healthy, loving, patient manner each day? Make a point acknowledging your special gifts speaking as kindly to yourself as you do to others!

Much of my work focuses on releasing the false assumptions about ourselves to discover the deeper truth which is much more positive. Take a moment to acknowledge your special strengths and the activities you enjoy. When you are in these activities you experience flow, feel enthusiastic, and excited. You also tend to create special projects around them. When you are in your strengths you are also more able to follow your vibes, honor your intuition, and take bigger risks.

This is your deeper connection with your essential self. When you invest your time and energy in these qualities, all of your relationships get better. Why? The more you discover the life sources within yourself, the more you will love yourself and the more you will see love in others.

Dr. Alice

Keep the Romantic Spark Alive

By | | , ,
Leave a comment

What is the best way to kept to romantic spark alive? Stay positive. Happy couples maintain a ratio of five positive comments to every negative one. One way to focus on the positive is to purposefully honor the good events that happen to your mate and family members as well. When you react enthusiastically to their good fortune, it enhances and increases the pleasure everyone feels. Often, individuals, couples, and families come to me for help because they want my help in removing what they consider unfortunate and undesirable traits in their mates and family members. However, I have not found it helpful to focus on the negative, but rather to change the mindset.

It may surprise you to know that research finds changing your focus to the positive is more effective in promoting enjoyable relationships. It makes it much easier to problem-solve and resolve the issue. By focusing on the unique resources we each bring to the situation, cooperation becomes much more enjoyable. It changes our mindset from “Me versus you” to “we are all in this together.” When you do face stress, consider the following tips:

Tips for less stressful communication:
1. Use a calm voice
2. Be direct and respectful
3. Avoid sarcasm
4. Use “I need” rather than “you should”
5. Ask for clarification if you need to
6. Take deep breaths
7. Call a time out if needed
8. Don’t assume they “just know”
9. Don’t use “you never” or “you always”
10. Take your problems to a licensed therapist if you find yourselves in the same arguments over and over, if names are being called, or there is any hint of violence.
According to www.costofwedding.com, an average wedding costs $26,542. The average cost of six premarital counseling sessions is $800.

Dr. Alice