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Become Empowered by Accepting Your Unique Self

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In order to feel fulfilled, everyone needs to feel connected, whether as part of a team at work, in our family, or in the community.  It gives us great satisfaction to know how we fit.
While being part of a team or family can be source of much joy and fulfillment, it also can
be a source of stress.  One way to reduce this stress is to honor your unique strengths
in serving the larger group. This gives you the experience of fully being yourself while still
being connected.  Here are three tips for defining yourself.

Reflect on Who You Are

The process of defining yourself is called differentiation. It is your capacity to define your own life goals and values apart from other’s influence.  It gives you the ability to stand up for what you believe when others are pressuring you to go along with theirs.  Murray Bowen, developer of family systems theory, believed that differentiation was essential to your personal health and the success of every group.

When you are differentiated, you can remain relatively calm in the midst of upsetting situations by taking responsibility for your own emotional well being.  It allows you to be an “I” while remaining connected to the “We.”

Identify Your Character Strengths

One way to differentiate yourself is to identify your unique character strengths. Positive Psychology has completed a major classification of the character strengths and virtues endorsed by almost all major religions and cultural traditions.  They have identified 24 character strengths reflecting six basic virtues: Wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and kindness, justice, temperance, spirituality, and transcendence.

Using these character strengths is a major source of gratification in our lives. You can identify your unique character strengths by taking the VIA Signature strengths survey at
www.authentichappiness.org.

Clarify How You Would Like to Use Them

You will discover that you have three to five of these character strengths that you use more than others. Using these strengths brings out your enthusiasm, uplifting yourself and others. Reflecting on how you use them helps you to differentiate yourself.

Then define your values, preferences, and purpose in your groups. Do this for your family or origin, as well as for your current relationships at home and at work. This allows you to be unique while still connected to the larger whole.

When you are clear on who you are, others will know how to interact with you.  It will increase your effectiveness while reducing stress.  Now isn’t that attractive?

How do YOU Talk to Your Child?

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How do YOU Talk to Your Child?

DO: Whatever you are feeling is okay.

DON’T: You shouldn’t feel that way!

DO: I believe in you, I know you can handle this!

DON’T:  Don’t be such a baby.

DO: I feel scared (angry, lonely) sometimes too.

DON’T: Just get over it and cheer up.

DO: You have really good ideas.

DON’T: Here’s what you should do.

Nothing is more powerful in a person’s life than the words from their parents. You, the parent, have the ability to instill self-confidence and health OR shame and doubt simply by the words you choose. Learn to discipline by simple consequences rather than  in anger, and speak encouragement to your child on a daily basis. Remember that they believe everything you say about them, so don’t label them. Love them instead.

We are handed our children at the hospital with little or no training in parenting! If your own parents were an unhealthy model, it’s especially hard to know how to break the cycle of poor parenting. Let me give you guidelines and help in this, the most important job you will ever have. Together we will develop solutions for discipline and love that enhance your child’s growth and not injure it.

 

Who is family?

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Let’s face it! We all are stuck with family, whethertree_life_hp good or bad! Our families are the people with whom we have to get along. We are all born into a particular family as well being part of the human family. Family can be a tremendous source of comfort during difficult times or can plunge us into our deepest HELL! A healthy family provides nuturance, acceptance, and protection and is a critical source of support in times of stress.

Why focus on “family” when the divorce rate in America is 50%, and an increasing emphasis is being placed on individual pursuits? The concept of “Family” has endured over the centuries. Individuals will go to great lengths to protect their families, despite great personal hardship, time, labor, and distance. I feel that “family” is not declining, but rather is changing form.

In the past, family was defined solely by bloodline and genetic lineage. The purpose of family was to promote the survival of the species through abundant procreation. Barbara Marx Hubbard (2001) argues that our civilization is shifting from an emphasis on PRO-creation to CO-creation. At the present time, pro-creation may have reached its limit. There are now over six billion people on planet Earth! One more doubling of the population may deplete the earth’s ability to sustain its resources. This means that people no longer NEED to procreate in order to sustain life.

Today, family may be defined not only by bloodline and genetic lineage,
but also by those with whom we choose to include in our lives. They may be
those with whom we are spiritually aligned; they may be our work family, and/or
any other group with whom we experience affinity on some level. Jay Hughes,
author of Family Wealth, defines “family” as those to whom we are connected by
bloodline, affinity, and/or emotional bonds. The tremendous energy that in the
past, was put into survival, is now becoming available to support the needs of the
larger human community. In present day America, because our blood families
may be scattered all over the country and/or the world, we are beginning to expand
our sense of family to include a family orientation to those we value in our lives.
This my include blended families, business family, and all those with whom we experience an affinity. Still, family is one of the most critical sources of support in our lives.